My name is Alan Haynes. I am a graduate student studying mathematics at The University of Texas at Austin. I would like to share with you my experience of searching for the truth. My parents divorced when I was young, and I lived with my grandparents and my mom for most of my childhood. None of them were Christians, but they allowed me to form my own spiritual beliefs. I was exposed to the Muslim culture and to Christian ideas and beliefs when I was young, but I wasn't captured by either religion. Although there was a spiritual need in my being, I did not find the way to meet the need until later. When I was in middle school my mother remarried. My step-dad and his family were the first Christians in my life. My step-dad gave me a Bible and took me to church, but at that time I still did not become a Christian. My life was headed in the direction of academics, and I went to university as a good student seeking to be somebody in the world. During my first two and a half years in university many changes took place, and I ended up in a desperate situation. At that point one of my roommates told me about Jesus, and I opened my heart and prayed to receive Him as my Savior. From the night of that prayer, my life changed its course.
In the months after my initial experience, something began to develop in my inward being. I began to seriously consider spiritual matters, and there was a desire in me to find out what the truth was. During that time I could not say very much to other people to explain what was going on with me inwardly, but I did speak in a genuine and open way with God. I realized that I had undeniably experienced something that was somehow related to Jesus Christ, but I did not understand my experience. Since the Bible says that Christ was raised from the dead, I wanted to meet Him. One night I was reading a verse that says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him and dine with him and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20). I decided to perform a test, and I asked the Lord to come to my door in about fifteen minutes. Then, I would open the door and we would dine together. I waited for the Lord, but He didn't come in the way in which I had requested.
I met some people from Christians on Campus in the spring semester of 2000. At first I was careful and reserved because I was not sure yet whether or not they would be able to identify with and help me to understand what I had experienced. Eventually, in the fall semester I came to one of their welcome meetings. In that meeting several people shared their personal experiences of Christ, and then someone stood up to give a brief message. The content of the message was from chapter 8 of the gospel of John, where it records the story of a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery. The religious leaders asked Jesus whether or not they should stone the woman, and He told them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7). Nobody except Jesus was qualified to stone the woman, so everyone left the room one by one. Then He said to the woman, “Has no one condemned you? ... Neither do I condemn you; go and from now on sin no more” (John 8:11). As the speaker was unfolding this story, I was touched by the Lord's compassion and mercy to forgive such a sinner. I felt that I was also a sinner, and I was happy that the Lord had forgiven me. But as he spoke the words, “go therefore and sin no more,” I felt like his words were penetrating into my inner being. Inside of me there was a response and a confirmation to what he was saying, and I realized that that response was the Lord's speaking from within me. Later in the same chapter of John it says, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free” (John 8:32), and then, “If therefore the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed” (John 8:36). In that meeting, I began to find what I had been searching for. I saw from my experience that the Lord that I had received as my Savior was not just a person outside of me, but that he had truly come to live inside of me.
Alan Haynes
— Austin
